Can you guys give me some advice on this essay?

Out of my mothers stomach a nine pound baby arrived. I am now successfully in 8th grade and 13 years old. In my family there are five siblings. Three of them are attending college. This makes me the fourth child. The last one is in 7th grade that also goes to Cerro Villa Middle School Two of my favorite hobbies are football and playing basketball. I am an all around guy and have four brothers.

I go to Cerro Villa Middle School and have seven classes. I think it鈥檚 a great school because all of my brothers have been there. There might be some harsh teachers but it is better than a lot of other schools. Since I am in eighth grade, I am looking forward to the graduation and going to high school. Sometimes C.V can be a strict school, but still I will miss this school.

In my Spare time I like to watch basketball and football. My favorite team for basketball is the Los Angeles Lakers, and my favorite player would be Kobe Bryant. For football it would be the Patriots, and I don鈥檛 really have a favorite player. Whenever I have nothing to do you will see me practicing playing basketball and football.. In conclusion I can say that I am athletic guy who loves sports.

Can you guys give me some advice on this essay?concert tickets

Well, for one thing, it is not an essay. It is an autobiography. If you were to have written an essay, you should pick a topic and tell what YOU think about different aspects of the topic.

Like the Lakers. you can say why you like them. You can talk about their fast break style of play or their poor defense. You describe the strengths and weaknesses of some of their players. You can talk about the new players they have this year and how they might make the Lakers better.

An essay has opinions. What you wrote does not. There are facts about you and your family. It's pretty good although you repeat yourself a lot.

I'm sure you can do better. If I was your teacher and you turned that in, you would get a 'C'. So get busy and make that paper a B+ or A-. Good luck.

Can you guys give me some advice on this essay?nba sports ,nba teams

what? i don't get it.
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Can you guys give me some advice on this essay?

Out of my mothers stomach a nine pound baby arrived. I am now successfully in 8th grade and 13 years old. In my family there are five siblings. Three of them are attending college. This makes me the fourth child. The last one is in 7th grade that also goes to Cerro Villa Middle School Two of my favorite hobbies are football and playing basketball. I am an all around guy and have four brothers.

I go to Cerro Villa Middle School and have seven classes. I think it鈥檚 a great school because all of my brothers have been there. There might be some harsh teachers but it is better than a lot of other schools. Since I am in eighth grade, I am looking forward to the graduation and going to high school. Sometimes C.V can be a strict school, but still I will miss this school.

In my Spare time I like to watch basketball and football. My favorite team for basketball is the Los Angeles Lakers, and my favorite player would be Kobe Bryant. For football it would be the Patriots, and I don鈥檛 really have a favorite player. Whenever I have nothing to do you will see me practi
Looks like a auto-biography you write on a diary more than an essay.

Try writing as a 3rd person for essay purposes.
First of all this section is not essay section .It's basketball.You can only ask questions about basketball

secondly it's not an essay it's an autobiography
wow.. wait, what? I don't even know where to start. Your introduction isn't very good, your tenses are all mixed up and It's repetative.

I'll give you credit for your conclusion. It wasn't that bad.